Tough Times Do Not Last Long...Trust Me.

It has been almost a week since I have gotten back from Texas State, and I sit at my computer every night trying to figure out the simple question as to WHY I CANNOT FOCUS. And just now I have opened my eyes up to see that the thing that has prevented me from focusing is the reoccurring mental disease I have, called: WORRY.

And now I see it isn't even a general "focusing" problem... It's just focusing on the "right" things instead of the wrong ones. I realize now that the reason why it feels like things aren't coming together is because I am waiting on things to get better instead of making them better right now. I realize that the reason why it feels like it'll take years for me to be happy again is because I am relying on others to make me happy instead of making my own self happy. I realize why it feels like I will never get over my ex is because I am holding on instead of letting go. I realize the reason why I continue to doubt myself  is because I am focusing on others and how they live their lives instead of believing in myself and  focusing on me. I realize now that the reason why I continue to worry is because I have a weak mind that fantasizes about what could've been instead of focusing on constructively thinking and rather about what I can do now!

Now I feel like my soul is now opened up to the realities of life.  

As hippy-ish as that sounds, I am not the type of person who relies on her brain to make decisions, that's right I am 100% heart baby, and with that comes some issues like dependency and attachment to others, especially in relationships...And when things don't work out in that department I just use music to make a quick escape to my fantasy world so that I can weaken my mind by dwelling on all the negative things I can possibly think up, allowing worry and stress to asphyxiate my mind of all positivity and light.

Not to mention my embarrassing and foolish habit of comparing myself to others whenever I may have a different opinion or mindset than someone else, which causes so much worry, doubt, and insecurities, that I can hardly remember who I am. I can hardly remember that those different opinions and mindsets are some of the most important things that make up who I am...

However, looking back on all of my flaws just reminds how much of a human I am. 

I realized that it is okay to feel insecure, or be worried, or even not be able to focus. I learned that this is normal for a human being and that it is normal... for me. So I guess now as I am typing this I have come to terms with accepting these flaws and realizing that fighting against what internally hurts you will only hurt you worse. Now that I see this is bound to happen every now and then, I can go on about my life knowing that it will be okay and knowing that I will be okay.

So back to my soul being opened up to the realities of life...

Yes I know you are probably wondering how I pulled that statement out of my ass, but on serious note I feel like I have come to terms with reality. After so many times of escaping to my fantasy world and becoming depressed over the same old thing, it tends to get old, and when something gets old you start to really dig deep and look for what's really beneath the surface. And what I found was that: Good and bad exist equally in reality, so when I finally opened my soul up to reality it allowed me to deal rationally with my harsh realities. So with that said if good and bad co-exist I figure that good can only be waiting for me down the road. Meaning that if I can handle the bad I can definitely handle the good and vice versa.

So whether you face problems similar to mine or not, if you are ever going through a stand still moment in your life, just know that IT IS normal, and it will not last forever. However you must be open to dealing with your own realities and know that whether you can't focus , or worry too much, or whatever your problem may be, start with focusing on the good and just doing positive things in your life and the good will be happily awaiting you around the corner:)

And although it took me a few hours, I just finished this blog...proving that I could focus and once again proving that tough times DO NOT last long.

Lets focus on what's IMPORTANT!

Okay...So we all know that Broadway Goddess Idina Menzel recently got a divorce with Taye Diggs, which is something I am still trying to get over. However, I've noticed something in the media about these two that is constantly bothering me. All I see are the headlines "Taye Diggs officially over Idnia" "Taye spotted with new girlfriend" "Taye has moved on"..and so on...but one thing I would like to know is WHO CARES? THIS IS OBVIOUSLY NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO LOOK AT HERE. How about we look at the fact that Ms. Idnia is still going strong and plowing over these bitches with sold at shows at Radio City Music Hall, making her comeback on Broadway in the new musical "If/Then", is the voice for the popular Disney movie, "Frozen", performed at the Oscars, IS STILL one of the most influential and still one of Broadway's BIGGEST stars and I mean c'mon the list can go on and on....but seriously guys let's look at the fact that although they have ended a marriage of 10 years, Idina Menzel is still focusing on whats important: of course her son but also her career. And honestly I value that more than any headline about how quickly Taye Diggs has gotten over her. This doesn't mean that I don't like Taye Diggs as a person, hell I don't even know him, I respect his work, but what I am trying to say is that this time she didn't fall off like most stars do after a divorce instead Idina continues to climb her way to the top and bless us all with her God-given talents! So lets really look at whats important here: Not their relationship but how one can overcome an obstacle and still be as successful as they were before, and possibly even more!! Unfortunately, you nor I can control the media, which is really who I am ranting to, but as the people of society and of such a propaganda based country, let's take it upon ourselves to look at what really matters here and not what lies on the surface.

Understanding People

I'm no Aristotle or Socrates but during my 17 years on this earth I've had my fair share of dealing with people and trying to understand how they work...and it's not exactly what I would call a piece a cake. I mean don't get me wrong all people aren't as difficult as they seem, I just believe you have to look past that and really understand where they are coming from...and unfortunately for my sensitive soul the people that I am closest too aren't exactly on the sensitive side...in fact they are far from it.

Just recently my best friend and I had a misunderstanding, as I would put it. She is what I would call very feisty and doesn't hold her tongue when it comes to speaking her mind, and sometimes it causes us to clash, which is what I would say caused our "mix up". However this isn't the first time we have gotten into it. I remember during school I would tell her about my relationship problems and she would just cut me off. Like I didn't even have the chance to explain my situation to her before she'd say "Nope. I don't even want to know. Save it *inserts smart ass emjois here*", and although it did hurt my feelings then I actually look back at it and laugh now. 

On the other hand, my boyfriend, who is the EXACT opposite of me has definitely frazzled my mind with his complex yet simplistic ways. Yes, contradicting I know. Not too long ago, him and I were not exactly in the best place, and with me being such an emotional person and him...well, not being one, it really put a strain on me that he wanted to let time heal our problems instead of diving head first into them like I would have. See, he enjoys time, I don't. He bases his decisions off of facts and I base mine off of emotions. And unfortunately for us I just cant fathom why he does the things he does...

However, when I actually got the chance to step back and really look at the situations I realized that they were just simply being who they are but that I was also missing something bigger than that. I figured that my bestie may have not been the most sympathetic friend. Only because she cares about me and wants the best for me, so that meant she wasn't gonna sugar coat anything. Instead, she was gonna tell it like it is so that I would know straight up. Along with this, letting time take over my relationship not only helped me realize how my boyfriend works, but I started to notice how the little things began to restore and we could actually talk to each other without arguing or worrying about something. Don't mistake me though, dealing with time and space was and still is a difficult thing for me to do, but once I started to accept it, it helped me understand that maybe just maybe he likes space, maybe he just handles problems better when he can reassure himself with the facts and I realized that there is nothing wrong with that. That is who he is and the time I had to understand him and our differences made everything a little bit easier in our relationship.

Once you are able to understand someone for who they are it allows you to learn many things that you may not have even realized and most importantly it allows you the chance to better yourself. So when it comes to those two, who put me in my feelings almost everyday, I would not trade them for anything or anyone in the world, because of the greatest gift they allow me to have: the gift to understand.

Understanding Ignorance

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For those of you that know me, I cant stand ignorance!! I am speaking out on ALL ignorant cases we have on social networks on a daily basis! I mean we are definitely all entitled to our own opinions but c'mon people let's purify this world with our words not pollute it!

New Beginnings

I am not one that's new to change. Hell change is my middle name! I've been facing it since I was literally in pre-school. I cannot count how many schools I have been to, how many times I have been the new girl, how many times I have made friends, then have had to leave them. Most people avoid change and are unlikely to accept it, but I know that one thing is for sure, Change is my best friend and although we have had our rough patches, I wouldn't be the person I am today without it!

This year I will be entering my senior year of high school, and instead of a shuttin' it down with my besties on the first day of school, I'll be looking for my new homeroom teacher and a spot to sit at, at lunch, as I attend the 3rd high school I've been to since I was a freshman. This year I will be battling it out at my grandparents house with my two little, 5 going on 30, sisters until my mom finds us a place. This year I will be working my ass off to get scholarships and taking every voice, dance and acting class so that I can prepare myself for upcoming college auditions. This year will be my last year living as a child and being provided for. This year is my last year of high school, and although I'm entering it with a whole lot of stuff on my plate...I AM READY FOR YA!

I am ready for the new opportunities that I will make happen for myself this year. I am ready to meet new people and explore new places. I am ready to take chances and explore the possibilities waiting for me. I am ready to work my ass off and get to the level that I need to be at as an actress. I am ready to take on challenges for this stress-filled year and heighten my horizons. I am ready for this change. I am ready for these New Beginnings!!

The {ART} of Not Knowing

What do you do when you are not in "The Know"?

If you are anything like me you probably get a peace of mind from knowing what your 4th of July plans are, or when and where you are going to be spending your summer vacation, or even making up with your best friend after a fight. But what happens if your plans start to change and things are put up in the air? Well if you are anything like me, you probably catch a case of anxiety and start to feel like your whole world is crashing down around you......Well maybe it's not that bad but I do have a tendency to over react. Anyway, the gist is that you feel unsure and weary of what your future holds. You wonder whether things are going to be alright or what in the world you will be doing for the next couple of days. You feel the need to KNOW.

Recently I have to deal with situations that have caused me to have these little anxiety attacks, because I did not know the outcome. Not too long ago me and a good friend of mine were texting and I guess I said something that offended her so you could say we got into a little quarrel, I wouldn't even call it an argument because it wasn't that serious, but ever since then we have not talked. So at first I try to give it time, but this being someone I talk to on an everyday basis, I couldn't contain my thoughts or emotions anymore. "Oh my God she is probably still mad at me", "Is what I said that bad", "I wonder how long it'll be before we talk....what if we never talk again?!", the typical thoughts that raced through my overly dramatic mind. But I couldn't help but feel like this... I didn't know whether we were friends or not but from the looks of my unresponded to text I sent her a day after, I had nothing else to do but assume that I had lost a friend. As time went on my thoughts still consumed me and my stress levels were fluctuating as usual. But it never really occurred to me until now...what if I was okay with "Not Knowing" ?

What if I was okay with not knowing if she was still mad at me or not? What if I was okay with not talking to her for a couple of days? What if I could've accepted the fact that I might've lost a friend?.... I probably would've been able to enjoy my weekend a little bit more instead of worrying myself to bits over something I could not control...

...And that's just it! What IF I would've taken that risk and just have been okay with not knowing? Of course it is easier said than done coming from a person who feels the need to fix things all the time and make everyone happy even if I have no control over it. However, it isn't impossible, in fact that's where "The ART of Not Knowing"  falls into place because once you accept that you knowing certain things is just out of your control you will then allow freedom to take the space that stress once dominated in your mind. You can think more freely and be open to different possibilities and opportunities waiting for you. For instance, if I would've taken this chance to accept " Not Knowing" I could've eliminated my stress and thought more positively about my situation, considering the quote "When one door closes, another opens". Not only this I could've focused my energy on other things such as preparing myself for an upcoming voice lesson or just simply enjoy being in the company of my family. See, when you finally accept "The ART of Not Knowing" you can have that same peace of mind that you get when you are in the know.

So for those of you who are like me who submit themselves to self inflicted stress...DONT. Be okay with not knowing, be okay with using that time to enjoy other things or perhaps focus on things more worth while. I truly believe that whatever happens will happen for a reason and whether you are fighting with your best friend, in a difficult relationship, or just simply don't know what you're doing for the 4th of July... Don't stress the answer will come to you when its suppose to, until then ENJOY LIFE! After all you only live once:)