And now I see it isn't even a general "focusing" problem... It's just focusing on the "right" things instead of the wrong ones. I realize now that the reason why it feels like things aren't coming together is because I am waiting on things to get better instead of making them better right now. I realize that the reason why it feels like it'll take years for me to be happy again is because I am relying on others to make me happy instead of making my own self happy. I realize why it feels like I will never get over my ex is because I am holding on instead of letting go. I realize the reason why I continue to doubt myself is because I am focusing on others and how they live their lives instead of believing in myself and focusing on me. I realize now that the reason why I continue to worry is because I have a weak mind that fantasizes about what could've been instead of focusing on constructively thinking and rather about what I can do now!
Now I feel like my soul is now opened up to the realities of life.
As hippy-ish as that sounds, I am not the type of person who
relies on her brain to make decisions, that's right I am 100% heart baby, and
with that comes some issues like dependency and attachment to others,
especially in relationships...And when things don't work out in that department
I just use music to make a quick escape to my fantasy world so that I can
weaken my mind by dwelling on all the negative things I can possibly think up,
allowing worry and stress to asphyxiate my mind of all positivity and light.
Not to mention my embarrassing and foolish habit of comparing
myself to others whenever I may have a different opinion or mindset than
someone else, which causes so much worry, doubt, and insecurities, that I can
hardly remember who I am. I can hardly remember that those different opinions
and mindsets are some of the most important things that make up who I am...
However, looking back on all of my flaws just reminds how much of
a human I am.
I realized that it is okay to feel insecure, or be worried, or even not be able to focus. I learned that this is normal for a human being and that it is normal... for me. So I guess now as I am typing this I have come to terms with accepting these flaws and realizing that fighting against what internally hurts you will only hurt you worse. Now that I see this is bound to happen every now and then, I can go on about my life knowing that it will be okay and knowing that I will be okay.
So back to my soul being opened up to the realities of life...
Yes I know you are probably wondering how I pulled that statement
out of my ass, but on serious note I feel like I have come to terms with
reality. After so many times of escaping to my fantasy world and becoming
depressed over the same old thing, it tends to get old, and when something gets
old you start to really dig deep and look for what's really beneath the
surface. And what I found was that: Good and bad exist equally in reality, so
when I finally opened my soul up to reality it allowed me to deal rationally
with my harsh realities. So with that said if good and bad co-exist I figure
that good can only be waiting for me down the road. Meaning that if I can
handle the bad I can definitely handle the good and vice versa.
So whether you face problems similar to mine or not, if you are ever going through a stand still moment in your life, just know that IT IS normal, and it will not last forever. However you must be open to dealing with your own realities and know that whether you can't focus , or worry too much, or whatever your problem may be, start with focusing on the good and just doing positive things in your life and the good will be happily awaiting you around the corner:)
And although it took me a few hours, I just finished this blog...proving that I could focus and once again proving that tough times DO NOT last long.
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